Emotions...

They run deep. Today is the day where I have been crying.
to know me is to know that I don't do that. ever. I'm
just not an emotional person in that way. I miss Lacy today.
I miss her every day, but today especially. She was the love
of my life. She was one of those girls where I knew INSTANTLY
that I had to have her. It's like she was calling my name.
I remember her in the cage at PetSmart. She was front and center
as any Diva would be. Her shiny coat and her horrible meow lol.
And we got her! And how I loved her!! She went to be spayed
and declawed in the next few weeks and I remember Casey and I taking
her to the vet and she had to stay overnight. I told the lady
to take good care of her and how her name was Lacy but I called
her Lacy Lu and if she could call her that if she got scared or
needed attention. I left a blanket with her and went home.
She was such a brave girl. She came home and lived a long life
(not long enough!!).

I am thinking about the day she died. I was awakened by Sammy
and I thought he was meowing for food like he does on a normal
day. I was sleeping on the couch that night. Finally after he
jumped on me, I got up. I even said "ugh". I started to walk
over to where the food dishes were and lacy was laying on the floor.
I said "come on" and she looked at me and meowed very loudly.
I knew in an instant that something was wrong... horribly wrong... with
my Lacy. I picked her up and put her on the couch and ran to get the crate
and put a sweatshirt and hat on. she didn't move. I gently put her on
some blankets in the crate and left to bring her to the ER vet.
I brought her in crying and they took her back and examined her
while I filled out paperwork. I called Casey (my best friend) and
told him where I was on his voicemail. The doctor came out and told
me that it didn't look good. She had something wrong with her heart
and there was a clot or something that formed making her organs
shut down. the options were to do thousands of dollars in tests
to find out what they already knew.... or put my baby to sleep.
I still think to this day if I had that thousands of dollars, I would
have done everything in my power to keep her alive. They gave
her IV pain meds to ease her for the time being...but the doctor
said the best thing for her would be to stop any further pain and put her
to sleep. After a technical thing with getting a check cashed
(they make you prepay which is dumb) the nurse asked me kindly if
I would go back and be with her. Casey and I went. The doctor was
standing there and she was in one of those incubator things that
babies are in when they are premature. He looked at me and I was
crying...like I am now.... and he said "we're just going to do this now
so she doesn't have to be in any more pain". Casey was there.
I was there. I was petting her the whole time.
I could just remember the stuff was purple and how
soft her fur was. There was no sound. There was nothing I could do but
comfort her. So I did. I cried and I pet her and told her that I loved
her and that she was the best cat in the world and how much I would miss
her. I gave her a kiss on her furry head and then the sun peeked out
and she was gone. It was fast. She wasn't in pain. I couldn't stop
petting her. I wanted to remember how soft she was.
And I hope she knew that I loved her with all of my
heart and what a huge blessing she was to me.


It's a hard thing to lose a pet. They aren't just pets. They are part
of your every day lives. You love them, you care for them and in return
you get unconditional love and trust. unconditional!

I love her and always will. she was my Luby. my Lacy Lu. and I will
never... for as long as I live... forget her.









"Remember me with smiles and laughter, for that's the way I'll remember
you all. And if you can only remember me with tears, then don't remember
me at all"